Allison Holker addresses tWitch's suicide in her first interview since her late husband's death.
"No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know," she tells People, marking her first interview since tWitch's death. "He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector."
In December, ET confirmed that Boss checked into a motel and when he didn't check out the next morning, housekeeping and management repeatedly knocked on his door. When there was no answer, management opened the door, saw a body on the floor, and immediately called the police. The official cause of death was ruled a suicide due to a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The dancer, who rose to fame as the DJ on Ellen DeGeneres' daytime talk show before co-executive producing her final seasons, was 40 years old. ET learned that Boss left a note behind indicating he couldn’t go on anymore.
Says Holker, "It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]."
The couple, who marked nine years of marriage just days before Boss' death, shared son Maddox, 7, and daughter Zaia, 3. Boss adopted their daughter, Weslie, 14, who Holker welcomed with a previous partner years before she started dating her late husband.
"I'm trying to teach them — and myself — that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person," she tells People of their kids. "We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable."
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.